To gain something from talking to a person, one has to learn something new, either in knowledge or emotions. That requires both participants to concentrate on the interaction, which in turn demands psychic energy that generally we are unwilling to invest. Yet a genuine flow of conversation is one of the highlights of existence. 

The secret of starting a good conversation is to find out what the other person’s goals are: What is he interested in at the moment? What is she involved in? What has he or she accomplished, or is trying to accomplish? If any of this sounds worth pursuing, the next step is to utilize one’s own experience or expertise on the topics raised by the other person–without trying to take over the conversation, but developing it jointly.

A good conversation is like a jam session in jazz, where one starts with conventional elements and then introduces spontaneous variations that create an exciting new composition.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi